Where were you when you heard about it? I was in the middle of an event when I received an alert on my phone. I turned to my significant other and said with disbelief “Kobe Bryant is dead!” He couldn’t believe it and responded, “no, that’s gotta be fake news”. I showed him the news source, which came from a legitimate source. As we read the article and stood there flabbergasted, all kinds of thoughts raced through my mind. I hadn’t yet learned that his 13-year-old daughter and seven others perished in the crash with him. The news of learning that a child was on board struck even deeper for me, as I have a 13-year-old daughter. I was reminded of how fragile life is. I felt bad that the basketball star got so much of the notoriety when his life was just as important as all of the other lives lost that day, but much of the public felt like they had a connection to the basketball star. With Kobe, it felt like we lost “one of ours”.
Whether you loved him or couldn’t stand him, his tenacity on the court, his discipline, and his desire to be the greatest drove him further than the average person…the average ballplayer. I’ve heard some about the rape allegations attached to him, but I’m not informed enough to go into that so instead, I’ll stick to what I know.
In all honesty, the losses reminded or taught me some lessons about relationships.
1. Let go of the small stuff
So often we get caught up on the disagreements, differences of opinions, attitudes, etc. Our egos often get in the way. If you knew this would be the last time you saw that person, would you be ok with your behavior toward them? Would you regret saying or not saying something? Would you do things differently?
2. Surround yourself with the tribe who loves you for you.
Sometimes we hold on to relationships long after they’ve expired simply because there’s history there. If the relationship doesn’t accept and honor who you are as a spirit having a human experience, you need to reconsider whether that relationship is necessary for your life or not.
3. If you’ve messed up, it’s never too late to attempt to rectify.
As we have this human experience, we’re going to mess up. That’s just how it is. We’re not perfect and no matter how much we try not to, we’ll hurt someone else along the way. Believe it or not, another part of our human experience is all about how we make others feel. The major question is can we get over our egos to rectify a hurt? It’s never too late to take responsibility for the role you played in creating wounds. Does it mean you’ll be readily received and relationships restored? No, it doesn’t. However, you weren’t doing it for that reason anyway. You were doing it to make right a wrong.
4. In order to be greater than the average, it will cost you.
You have the ability to be great. That’s not the question. Do you have the drive? The discipline? The focus? Do you have what it’s going to take to get you past where the average person stops and says “this is enough for me”? If you’re not there, what will it take to get there? Do you need to create a plan of action? Do you need someone to walk with you? If it’s what you want, figure out what you need to do to get there.
5. Communication is one of the most important things to ALL relationships, personal AND professional.
When we think of relationship communication, we tend to think of solely romantic relationships. However, this emotional intelligence crosses into every area of our lives. Did you know that people with higher emotional intelligence tend to get promoted faster and more often than their peers who don’t possess such skills? Families with high emotional IQ’s tend to be much more emotionally stable than those who don’t have these skills. Relationships with partners who have high emotional intelligence tend to be much more successful and fulfilling.
It’s all in the communication. It’s what led me to create Okamaka Guanichi Communications System. It’s a combination of Human Design, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and Nonviolent Communication. I use it to help teach people healthy communication that crosses all barriers. With the loss of those 9 passengers, it leaves me wondering what were the last words they said to others when they thought they had tomorrow? Would they have changed those words if they knew they didn’t? What words will you say today? Would they be different if you didn’t have tomorrow?
6. If you’re not working in the field that you’re passionate about, you’re wasting your time.
Life can be fleeting and working in a field that brings you no joy doesn’t allow you to enjoy your life the way you truly could if you were operating in a field that you were passionate about. We see our best selves and our most passionate performance comes from the places that truly speak to us. For example, if you’re passionate about medicine, going into accounting because it’s “safe” will bring you no joy. Your professional performance is also based on how content you are in your career. In a professional capacity, I only operate in the fields that bring me joy, and that I’m truly passionate about. I urge more people to do the same.
7. Don’t hold on to what should’ve, could’ve, would’ve been said.
Whether in the personal or professional arena, being able to articulate your wants and needs is absolutely essential to your quality of life. Too many times I’ve held on to what should’ve been said, only to regret it later on. When I did choose to speak up, I’ve never regretted it. When I felt I was owed a raise at a former job, I was able to talk to the boss and present reasons why which ended in a raise. For the times I chose not to speak up in my personal life, it was in relationships where I didn’t feel like I was safe to express vulnerability without being judged. Those relationships all ended less than peacefully.
While some of these lessons weren’t foreign to me, sometimes it takes a tragedy to remind you of the lessons you’ve already learned. My heart goes out to all affected by this tragedy. For those of us who still have time here, we still have the gift of life. Let’s use this to make a difference for others. People will remember how you made them feel…
What lessons did you learn or be through loss?
