Social media has been swirling with memes asking you to prove what you “bring to the table” so to speak. This seems to be a hot topic on platforms where people are known for randomly scrolling. The range of responses can be just as vast. In reality, the answer to a question like this is never simple, and never one that can be answered in a tangible way if the relationship has any significance to it.
While you can answer a question like this with the tangible assets you bring to the table such as your own car, house, stable career, etc, that’s not what makes up the depth of a relationship. The other side could be argued that you want someone that meets the same material value that you do, and that’s all perfectly fine. It’s fine to have preferences, but understand that the question what do you bring to the table is much more difficult to answer than by just looking at the intangibles.
If my partner were to ask what I bring to the table, how do I quantify telling him I’m his biggest cheerleader. I support him even on the days where he doesn’t think he needs it. I’m the space where he can feel safe in a world where a black man is largely under threat. I fuss about his doctor appointments because I want to help him ensure his health is optimal so he can have the best quality of life. I’m the pillow where he can rest his head and the space where he can feel safe if and when he ever feels the need to cry, and his masculinity never be threatened. I’m the one who seeks to know his soul instead of solely his day to day thoughts. I connect with him deeply in a scary and vulnerable way to show him that he’s so much more capable than even he imagines and I believe in him. How do you quantify things like that? How do you show the intangibles when it comes to that question?
For many, the correct answer to this question is steeped in misplaced value of material goods. Do you bring a robust bank account? How about a portfolio of assets? Do you bring your own vehicle up to their standards? How about your own place in a neighborhood of their approval? Because if all of that falls away, you now have to evaluate what you have left. Now, that doesn’t mean you go into a relationship where the person brings nothing to the table hoping to find some deep connection. I mean, that can happen, but struggling financially has no benefit to the relationship and is simply added stress. We all have the desire for security in our relationships. It’s simply hardwired into us, but doesn’t mean we always receive it in relationships.
People like to say they saw who their partner truly was when they were broke. Not so, when you had money, you saw who your partner was as well, you just waved off the red flags and excused it for yourself because your position wasn’t desperate. People always show us who they are no matter what the situation is. It’s up to us to accept it.
Which brings me to another point…if we feel the need to ask our partner what they bring to the table, we’ve already answered that question to ourselves and determined that their value in our lives is less than what we desire, and we’re seeking for them to prove to us that they bring more than we see. Asking them to answer this question is the easy way out. We need to be able to take an objective look at the relationship and see what benefit our partner is to us and take a realistic look at what we have in our partner and our relationship. Can you see what our partner brings to the table? Are you satisfied?
I’d love to hear your experiences with how you or your partner show support within the context of the relationship. Feel free to comment below and share!
