Chronic pain is a condition that’s so much more common than most of us imagine. It affects millions of people worldwide. It’s defined as ongoing pain that lasts for more than three months and can significantly impact an individual’s quality of life. Chronic pain often has a profound effect on a person’s relationships, including those with family members. I’m one of the millions that battle with chronic pain from Fibromyalgia. In this post, I want to explore how chronic pain can affect family and relationships, and offer tips for coping with its impact.
First, it’s important to understand that chronic pain is both physically and emotionally draining. Those of us who suffer from chronic pain often experience fatigue, sleep disturbances, and decreased mobility, which makes it difficult to participate in activities we once enjoyed. This can also lead to feelings of isolation and depression, which further puts strain on relationships. On days I’m having flare-ups, I can’t just power through them. My entire body hurts down to the bones. On any given day I can battle with what they call “Fibro fog” where my head feels foggy and I can’t concentrate on anything. It’s quite frustrating while trying to finish my master’s program and run a business, but I’ve created systems to support me. I do battle with depression on some days, but I have the tools that it doesn’t turn into severe depression. There are some days I can’t get out of bed because the fatigue is just that bad. When I end up in high-stress situations, I always have a flare-up after. For years I’ve told the doctors to test me for it and told them my symptoms with it being brushed away. Took a couple of years to find a Rheumatologist to run the tests and evaluate me. Even then, getting confirmation of diagnosis took over 6 months.
In addition to affecting an individual’s mental health, chronic pain can also strain relationships within a family. Partners, children, and other close family members may become frustrated with the limitations by the chronic pain their loved one faces, leading to conflict and misunderstandings.
For example, a partner of a chronic pain sufferer may feel overwhelmed by the added responsibilities of caring for their partner, like household chores, errands, caring for the kids, and providing emotional support. This can sometimes lead to resentment and conflict building within the relationship.
The children of chronic pain sufferers may also become frustrated with a parent’s decreased ability to participate in family activities and depending on their age, may struggle to understand why their parent is in pain. They may also struggle to understand why their parent can’t participate like other parents, sometimes internalizing these feelings and thinking it’s because of them. For the parent, this can lead to feelings of guilt and anxiety, because they may feel like they are not fulfilling their role as a parent.
Despite these challenges, it is possible for families to come together and support each other in the face of chronic pain. Here are a few tips for coping with its impact:
- Open communication: Encourage open and honest communication between family members. This can help to alleviate misunderstandings and prevent conflicts from escalating. Allow for some vent sessions where thoughts and feelings are freely expressed with the caveat that they be expressed respectfully.
- Seek support: Consider seeking support from a therapist or support group. Talking with others who understand what you’re going through can be incredibly helpful. It makes a difference when you no longer feel like you’re the only one going through something, but instead feel like others can understand.
- Re-evaluate responsibilities: Consider re-evaluating household responsibilities to ensure that everyone’s needs are being met. This may include delegating tasks or seeking help from outside sources or your village. Sometimes that can look like having a house cleaner come and clean once every 2 weeks so that doesn’t become an added chore for anyone.
- Practice self-care: Encourage the person with chronic pain to prioritize self-care, including exercise, healthy eating, and stress-management techniques. How you manage these will determine how often you have flare-ups unnecessarily. I find when I’m in high-stress situations and my self-care is lacking, I have a bad flare-up following.
- Seek medical treatment: Encourage the person with chronic pain to seek medical treatment, including pain management techniques and physical therapy. It’s ok to not want to be put on medication, I’m not taking medication for Fibromyalgia. There are other ways to manage pain. There are so many modalities that exist outside of the standard western medicine world. I’ve found several that make a huge difference in the number of times and the level of painful flare-ups I deal with.
Ultimately, chronic pain can significantly impact family and relationships. By practicing open communication, seeking support, re-evaluating responsibilities, practicing self-care, and seeking medical treatment, families can work together to support each other and reduce the impact of chronic pain.
