When we see our partners going through a hard time or through challenging situations, we want to be the ones to help them. And you absolutely should be the one to provide support and encouragement and help them however possible. But there comes a time where we need to be able to draw the line. I see this happen more often with women because we tend to be the nurturers, it’s just the way we naturally are.
Albeit, in doing so, it also makes the lines blurry so we end up crossing into areas where they should be doing their own work. An example of that would be if there’s a partner dealing with a situation from childhood or whatever challenging situation that you know has an effect on their current life. The partner needs a Therapeutic Health professional’s help. It’s not your job as the partner, to go out and seek out the therapist and make the appointment, finding out do they take your insurance, etc. That’s not your job! Truth be told, if your partner is really serious about getting the help, it’s just as easy as finding the information and setting up the appointment. They can do it, and you have to allow them to do this on their own. Allow them to put in the work because if you start enabling them (and this is especially challenging for women) you’ll take on that aspect of it and then end up resentful. Or perhaps feeling like you’re carrying the entire burden.
I know I’ve been guilty of doing the same thing in previous relationships. I’ve been guilty of doing a hell of a lot, like way too much even during the dating phase, and that was something I had to learn. You start the relationship off enabling your partner, so of course, now they feel like this is what they are to expect from you as a normal thing. Hear me when I say this, you will burn yourself out like that. Just how life happens to everybody else, your partner is just as capable as you are.
Now, if there is a reason why they can’t do it, then that’s a totally different situation. However, I’m talking about the ones that can do it, but for whatever reason, they have not taken the steps necessary to handle what’s required of them. This means it’s not something they feel is as important as it should be for them. So now everything falls on you and if you’re going to take up that mantle, then, in essence, you’re not being fair to your partner, and you’re also helping to cripple them. If you allow your partner to show you by their actions, they’ll show you what’s important to them. If their healing is important to them, they will show you. If they need a job, and they’re not sending out resumes, you can’t send out the resumes for them. Allow them to take responsibility. And women, we tend to just do too much, that’s realistically why women are dying of heart disease at the number one rate.
It’s time to start putting down some of the burdens that you’re picking up that aren’t even yours. Stop enabling your partner. If it’s important to them, allow them to do it and stop doing it for them. Your life will get exponentially easier when you can focus on what’s actually yours.
