It’s nothing new. We’ve all seen it happen before. We all know someone who has lost themselves and their identity in their relationship. That someone may have even been us. It’s almost in fleeting moments where the labels become our identities and we accept that this is who we are. And while there’s nothing wrong with that, somewhere along the line, we forget that we’re also so much more.
We lose our own Self identity in being a wife, husband, mother, father, teacher, therapist, caretaker, etc. We often forget that we had our own goals and visions before we became part of a relationship, or before we became the nurturer or provider for our children. We find reasons to stop going after our dreams and goals. We find excuses. We lose sight of the tenacity it takes to stay steadfast to those visions and goals. You have a partner and kids? Cool. They can celebrate your accomplishments with you! They can see how hard you worked to get to that goal. This unconsciously gives them the permission to dream and go after their goals as well.
I appreciate the reminder I was given yesterday during a conversation. He made the point that life is like a roller coaster and in order to enjoy the highs, we have to be able to also appreciate the lows. Without the valleys, we wouldn’t appreciate the peaks. I know it sounds like some Iyanla Vanzant stuff, but it was a reminder I needed. It was a reminder that I still have some dreams unachieved, and the only thing that can stop me is, well…me.
There’s nothing wrong with allowing our kids to see the grind AND to see the accomplishments. As parents, we often try to shield our kids from seeing the grind. From seeing the tears. From seeing the frustration. That’s not helping them though. Let them see the tears and frustration and let them see that you didn’t give up. And on the flip side of the coin, this also means allowing ourselves to be and do the things that we enjoy. We have to be able to fulfill our personal happiness on our own, without looking for our partner, our kids, or anyone else to fulfill that for us. Our happiness is our own responsibility.
